What the hell is the deal with cities these days?

We are the richest freakin' country in the world and yet we can't figure out where to build a freakin' city! I mean seriously; look at the evidence:
Chicago--too windy
Miami--too hot
Minneopolis--too cold
Seattle--rains too much
Pheonix--doesn't rain enough
Washington DC--built in a freakin' swamp!
Denver--built on a freakin' mountain!
San Fransisco--built on a freakin' fault line!
Not only that, but what's the deal with some of these names? I mean...Scaggsville...really...I sincerely appologize to all those Scaggsvillians out there that have to write it on their envelopes every day...sucks for you...